Healed by the Truth: Finding Your Worth in Christ After Spiritual Abuse

This may be a sensitive subject, but I believe it’s important to highlight the beauty of God’s Word and how it can be twisted into a heavy burden. This content started as a school paper assignment a few years ago that resonated deeply with me as a former victim of abuse, even though it wasn’t specifically spiritual abuse. Still, over the years of leading a care group for women who are or have been victims of all types of abuse, this topic has touched my heart, reflecting a very real situation that is still happening today.

By referencing the true character of Christ and the “Filter of Love” in 1 Corinthians 13, I aim to help you dismantle the lies you’ve been told and return to the healing, freeing grace of our Heavenly Father. When we accept Christ and let Him be our First Love, we are no longer victims at the hands of men — we become victors in Christ.

Domestic abuse isn’t always marked by a broken arm or a black eye. Sometimes, the deepest wounds are inflicted with words—specifically, the Word of God.

For many Christian women struggling to save their marriages despite their husbands’ abuse, the Word of God is turned against them. Their home can become a place of silent despair instead of a refuge. Even more heartbreaking is when the very Bible meant to offer comfort is twisted into a tool of control.

If you have felt the sting of Scripture being used to shame or silence you, you are not alone – more importantly, you are seen by God, who never intended for you to be treated this way. Many husbands, who want to control their wives, use the Bible as their weapon, with selective quoting – focusing on submission while ignoring sacrificial love – by distorting God’s Word.

Whether you’re familiar with the term ‘spiritual abuse’ or not, you might know someone who has experienced it firsthand, or perhaps you have been a victim yourself. Spiritual abuse is characterized by an entitlement mentality that seeks power instead of the “mutuality and service” Paul calls for in Ephesians 5. Tension and unrest undermine the very purpose of God’s design in a fallen world. The husband’s challenge is not to abuse his power by using Scripture to justify his actions while blatantly ignoring other crucial verses.

Many women who experience spiritual abuse remain and endure it because of their faith, believing that God does not permit divorce or even separation from their husbands. For these women and others, it is crucial to understand the character of God so they can replace lies with Gospel truth.

If you’re in a relationship where God’s Word is used to shame or punish you, know this: The abuse is not your fault. God is not punishing you; your worth is defined by Christ, not by the person claiming to lead you. Submission does not constitute a license to abuse. God designed marriage for harmony, not for a hierarchy that allows cruelty. While marriage is a blessing, God does not expect you to stay in a situation of violence.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not endorsing all divorces, but I believe that the Shepherd voice of Jesus (Ps. 23) speaks softer, kinder, and far exceeds the shaming voice of an abuser. Jesus points out that sin originates from the heart of the oppressor (Mark 7:20-23). The victim is not responsible for the abuser’s choices. An abuser always has a choice, regardless of what triggers him.

Furthermore, the body and spirit are God’s temple (1 Corinthians 6:19), deserving of care and protection, not destruction. All too often, Ephesians 5:22-24 is used to justify dominance, while Ephesians 5:25 is completely ignored. It states that husbands are commanded to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Jesus modeled the servant leadership He expects of husbands; it does not include physical or emotional suppression.

Humans are made in God’s image (Gen. 1:27). Abuse violates this sacred identity and is never justified.

The path to healing is recognizing God’s design for marriage—between a man and a woman—as a reflection of Christ and the Church (ESV Study Bible, Eph. 5:25). A God-honoring reflection of Christ and the Church does not include any form of abuse in the marriage relationship.

This relationship is founded on sacrifice, safety, and deep respect. Anything less warps God’s grace. May you find the courage to believe that His voice is louder than your oppressor’s, and that His love is a shield that can never be broken.

Paul describes the nature of love that we can use as a filter in our relationships to determine if they align with Scripture, God’s intentions, and character.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth” (I Cor. 13:4-5, emphasis added).

This passage serves as a “divine litmus test” for any relationship, especially marriage. When we examine an abusive dynamic through this lens, the flaws in the foundation quickly become apparent.

We often hear 1 Corinthians 13 at weddings, surrounded by flowers and smiles. But for a woman experiencing spiritual abuse, these verses aren’t just poetic—they serve as a diagnostic tool.

Paul offers a clear standard for determining whether a husband’s “leadership” reflects the heart of Christ or that of an oppressor.

How to Use the Filter

Compare the behavior you are experiencing behind closed doors with the biblical definition of love:

• “Love is patient and kind” vs. A home governed by walking on eggshells and sudden outbursts.
• “It is not arrogant or rude” vs. Using Scripture to belittle your intelligence or spiritual standing.
• “It does not insist on its own way” vs. Using “submission” as a weapon to demand total control over every decision.
• “It is not irritable or resentful” vs. A husband who keeps a “record of wrongs” to use against you in future arguments.

If the “leadership” in your home takes pride in control rather than truth, or insists on its own way through manipulation, it is not moving toward God’s design — it is moving away from it. When a husband ignores the self-sacrificial love of Christ and demands his “own way,” he is violating the very Scripture he claims to uphold.

God’s character embodies gentleness and protection. Any interpretation of the Bible that makes a woman feel worthless, unheard, or oppressed does not reflect God’s voice; it distorts it. If you have had these verses thrown at you like stones, please know that was never God’s intent. Scripture was meant to be a lamp to your feet, not a weight around your neck.

Heavenly Father, my prayer is that every woman with a bruised heart from words meant for healing will reclaim her identity and self-worth as a daughter of the King, fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14), a temple of the Holy Spirit, bought with a price, and deserving of honor and protection. Wash away the lies, shame, and false guilt that were never theirs to bear. Grant them discernment to recognize the Love Filter and the courage to seek safety, health, and biblical community that reflects Your true character.

Thank you for being a God of grace and for Jesus, who demonstrated a love that serves and sacrifices instead of rules or demands. Restore their soul, lead them beside still waters, and help them walk forward in the light of Your unconditional love.

In Jesus’ powerful and gentle name, Amen.

Is there a “false belief” you’ve been holding onto (e.g., “This is my fault” or “God wants me to suffer”) that you’re ready to surrender to Jesus today?

Action Step: Write that lie on a piece of paper, cross it out, and write a verse of God’s love (like Isaiah 41:10) over it.

There is hope—His name is Jesus Christ.

If you’re seeking a community of women who understand this journey, please reach out or find a local care group. You were never meant to carry this alone.

Greenhouse 17 Certified Domestic Violence Hotline

800.544.2022