On one of my morning runs, I saw a black and white cat run across in front of me, not just once but twice. Most of its body was black but it’s head and neck were white. It made me think about how we look at things as black and white or gray when we are somewhere in the middle.
I used to be all on the black side before I surrendered to Christ. When I began my journey, it didn’t happen overnight the day I was baptized. The bible says come as you are not wait until you are completely clean.
I then started thinking about pivotal moments in history when there were bad or good things that happened in the world. We all know exactly where we were when we heard the news about 9-11 for instance. I have also had pivotal moments throughout my journey to Christ that I can remember exactly where I was and about what date it happened. If I don’t remember the date I can look back in my journals and usually find it.
These are considered “Kairos” moments; (a propitious moment for decision or action.) Once you decide to be a Christ follower you eventually go ‘all in’- you can’t be both black and white or darkness and light. Most of us probably stay somewhere in the middle most of our lives. I started thinking about when I went all in and how long it took from the time, I had my accident and was baptized. I pinpointed several pivotal moments that I can look back on and know that God was shaping my character during those times to get me another step closer to a Christ centered life. I couldn’t see it at the time but can now look back and recognize how the important decisions I was making were better for my new life and direction.
I had just come out of an abusive relationship where I felt ashamed, unworthy of real love and blamed myself for the things that happened to me. It was during this timeframe of the breakup that I had my accident. The accident changed my life, but it wasn’t at that exact moment that I went all in with Christ. That was just the beginning.
I was still dating and made bad choices for myself. But God began to work on my heart and for the first time I realized that I didn’t have to allow a man to disrespect my body just because that is what he wants. I have a choice. I have a voice. I learned how to use it and stand up for myself. This Kairos moment was just after my accident. This was only one stop on my road map to Christ, but it was a very important one. I could have allowed this person to have his way that day, like I had done so many times before with other men. But this time was different. This time, a voice inside me told me I didn’t have to allow this.
Another important moment came the following year when I was dating again, this time to a very nice person, but I knew I had to end it because I still wasn’t entirely living for Christ. After a getaway weekend, I felt so convicted that I had to end the relationship as soon as we got back. I couldn’t hide it or hold off any longer. He could see it all over my face. I couldn’t hide it because God was in my decision. I broke it off and moved another step closer to Christ.
Recently, I was reminded of my accident and the events that happened that day. I saw each step of that day moment by moment. I saw the changes I began making in my life afterwards, but my lifestyle and focus on my relationship with God took time. 352 days came to mind. There were still a couple of bumps in the road, but He led me to where I am today.
I calculated the days to see what date that would be and then I searched all my journals until I found it. Here is what I wrote in my journal 352 days from my accident:
“A person should never put themselves in a position that they would do anything for another person when it conflicts with their morals and/or jeopardizes their character. This type of relationship should only be with God. A person should not put another person in that position or make it a condition of their relationship or love for that person on those conditions.”
It was very shortly after this that I stopped dating altogether and put all my focus on my new relationship with God. I knew that is where my focus needed to be, without distractions. This was my choice and five years later I am still very happy about it. It gave me time that I needed to grow in Christ and figure out who I was as a person and child of God.
I am now reliant only on God. He is the only one I need to please. The things in my life that I clung to the tightest are the very things I had to let go of. The things I hid from for so long are the things that are being revealed and bring me most joy because it will help others. He created me and saved me for this purpose. I am chosen by God to carry out the mission He has planned for me.
He has a blueprint for my life that is unique as I am. He connects the dots on my journey and directs my path on the road map to a Christ centered life that brings joy and peace even through the speedbumps that occur along the way. These just make me stronger and through endurance my faith grows.
Can you look back and see any Kairos moments in your life that shaped your character and brought you another step closer to Christ? Write them down. Pay attention daily for any new opportunities. God can use everything for His good.
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. James 1:2-3
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