Tag: christianity

Healed by the Truth: Finding Your Worth in Christ After Spiritual Abuse

by Angela K. Crow-Mitchell

This may be a sensitive subject, but I believe it’s important to highlight the beauty of God’s Word and how it can be twisted into a heavy burden. This content started as a school paper assignment a few years ago that resonated deeply with me as a former victim of abuse, even though it wasn’t specifically spiritual abuse. Still, over the years of leading a care group for women who are or have been victims of all types of abuse, this topic has touched my heart, reflecting a very real situation that is still happening today.

By referencing the true character of Christ and the “Filter of Love” in 1 Corinthians 13, I aim to help you dismantle the lies you’ve been told and return to the healing, freeing grace of our Heavenly Father. When we accept Christ and let Him be our First Love, we are no longer victims at the hands of men — we become victors in Christ.

Domestic abuse isn’t always marked by a broken arm or a black eye. Sometimes, the deepest wounds are inflicted with words—specifically, the Word of God.

For many Christian women struggling to save their marriages despite their husbands’ abuse, the Word of God is turned against them. Their home can become a place of silent despair instead of a refuge. Even more heartbreaking is when the very Bible meant to offer comfort is twisted into a tool of control.

If you have felt the sting of Scripture being used to shame or silence you, you are not alone – more importantly, you are seen by God, who never intended for you to be treated this way. Many husbands, who want to control their wives, use the Bible as their weapon, with selective quoting – focusing on submission while ignoring sacrificial love – by distorting God’s Word.

Whether you’re familiar with the term ‘spiritual abuse’ or not, you might know someone who has experienced it firsthand, or perhaps you have been a victim yourself. Spiritual abuse is characterized by an entitlement mentality that seeks power instead of the “mutuality and service” Paul calls for in Ephesians 5. Tension and unrest undermine the very purpose of God’s design in a fallen world. The husband’s challenge is not to abuse his power by using Scripture to justify his actions while blatantly ignoring other crucial verses.

Many women who experience spiritual abuse remain and endure it because of their faith, believing that God does not permit divorce or even separation from their husbands. For these women and others, it is crucial to understand the character of God so they can replace lies with Gospel truth.

If you’re in a relationship where God’s Word is used to shame or punish you, know this: The abuse is not your fault. God is not punishing you; your worth is defined by Christ, not by the person claiming to lead you. Submission does not constitute a license to abuse. God designed marriage for harmony, not for a hierarchy that allows cruelty. While marriage is a blessing, God does not expect you to stay in a situation of violence.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not endorsing all divorces, but I believe that the Shepherd voice of Jesus (Ps. 23) speaks softer, kinder, and far exceeds the shaming voice of an abuser. Jesus points out that sin originates from the heart of the oppressor (Mark 7:20-23). The victim is not responsible for the abuser’s choices. An abuser always has a choice, regardless of what triggers him.

Furthermore, the body and spirit are God’s temple (1 Corinthians 6:19), deserving of care and protection, not destruction. All too often, Ephesians 5:22-24 is used to justify dominance, while Ephesians 5:25 is completely ignored. It states that husbands are commanded to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Jesus modeled the servant leadership He expects of husbands; it does not include physical or emotional suppression.

Humans are made in God’s image (Gen. 1:27). Abuse violates this sacred identity and is never justified.

The path to healing is recognizing God’s design for marriage—between a man and a woman—as a reflection of Christ and the Church (ESV Study Bible, Eph. 5:25). A God-honoring reflection of Christ and the Church does not include any form of abuse in the marriage relationship.

This relationship is founded on sacrifice, safety, and deep respect. Anything less warps God’s grace. May you find the courage to believe that His voice is louder than your oppressor’s, and that His love is a shield that can never be broken.

Paul describes the nature of love that we can use as a filter in our relationships to determine if they align with Scripture, God’s intentions, and character.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth” (I Cor. 13:4-5, emphasis added).

This passage serves as a “divine litmus test” for any relationship, especially marriage. When we examine an abusive dynamic through this lens, the flaws in the foundation quickly become apparent.

We often hear 1 Corinthians 13 at weddings, surrounded by flowers and smiles. But for a woman experiencing spiritual abuse, these verses aren’t just poetic—they serve as a diagnostic tool.

Paul offers a clear standard for determining whether a husband’s “leadership” reflects the heart of Christ or that of an oppressor.

How to Use the Filter

Compare the behavior you are experiencing behind closed doors with the biblical definition of love:

  • “Love is patient and kind” vs. A home governed by walking on eggshells and sudden outbursts.
  • “It is not arrogant or rude” vs. Using Scripture to belittle your intelligence or spiritual standing.
  • “It does not insist on its own way” vs. Using “submission” as a weapon to demand total control over every decision.
  • “It is not irritable or resentful” vs. A husband who keeps a “record of wrongs” to use against you in future arguments.

If the “leadership” in your home takes pride in control rather than truth, or insists on its own way through manipulation, it is not moving toward God’s design — it is moving away from it. When a husband ignores the self-sacrificial love of Christ and demands his “own way,” he is violating the very Scripture he claims to uphold.

God’s character embodies gentleness and protection. Any interpretation of the Bible that makes a woman feel worthless, unheard, or oppressed does not reflect God’s voice; it distorts it. If you have had these verses thrown at you like stones, please know that was never God’s intent. Scripture was meant to be a lamp to your feet, not a weight around your neck.

Heavenly Father, my prayer is that every woman with a bruised heart from words meant for healing will reclaim her identity and self-worth as a daughter of the King, fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14), a temple of the Holy Spirit, bought with a price, and deserving of honor and protection. Wash away the lies, shame, and false guilt that were never theirs to bear. Grant them discernment to recognize the Love Filter and the courage to seek safety, health, and biblical community that reflects Your true character.

Thank you for being a God of grace and for Jesus, who demonstrated a love that serves and sacrifices instead of rules or demands. Restore their soul, lead them beside still waters, and help them walk forward in the light of Your unconditional love.

In Jesus’ powerful and gentle name, Amen.

Is there a “false belief” you’ve been holding onto (e.g., “This is my fault” or “God wants me to suffer”) that you’re ready to surrender to Jesus today?

Action Step: Write that lie on a piece of paper, cross it out, and write a verse of God’s love (like Isaiah 41:10) over it.

There is hope—His name is Jesus Christ.

If you’re seeking a community of women who understand this journey, please reach out or find a local care group. You were never meant to carry this alone.

Greenhouse 17 Certified Domestic Violence Hotline

800.544.2022

Baptism

by Angela K. Crow-Mitchell

According to The Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary, the first act of obedience for a new believer in Christ is a public confession of faith through baptism. It is also symbolic of Jesus’ burial and resurrection. We profess to leave the old life behind and embrace the new life with Christ (Romans 6:4, HCSB). It is a key element of our new faith.

Still, the act of baptism itself does not give salvation. Paul explains to the Romans that to be saved, one must confess with their mouth and believe with their heart (Romans 10:9-13). Baptism can never cleanse a person from sin and secure God’s forgiveness (Brand, 172). Salvation is solely implemented by faith based on the grace of God (Rom. 4:3).

In the first century, there was a ritual self-cleansing, so when John the Baptist began baptizing with water, the act was not wholly lost on the Jews. He did, however, announce the need for repentance and belief in Jesus to make the way for Christ. When Jesus asked John to baptize Him, it surprised John since Jesus never sinned and didn’t need to repent. Nevertheless, it was a prophetic fulfillment of God’s Word.

With this came the gift of the Holy Spirit and baptism by fire. The use of one Greek article governs the two nouns, Spirit and Fire. This denotes that only one baptism is in view, and the addition of fire further defines the character of the Messiah’s baptism.  Water temporarily cleanses the outside, but fire permanently purifies the whole person (Brand, 173).

In Acts, we read how Jesus’ promise to the disciples was fulfilled when the Holy Spirit came upon the 120 disciples at Pentecost; after that, thousands received the gift of the Spirit when they believed (Acts 2:4-12). The Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary explains, “The blessing of the Pentecostal gift is applied to all disciples at the moment of conversion. “…Jesus is the one who baptizes believers, the Spirit is the element into or with which they are baptized, and incorporation into the body of Christ is the result” (Brand, 174).  God orchestrated a public miracle to demonstrate the gift of the Spirit had been given by enabling the 120 disciples to speak the various foreign languages of the pilgrims in Jerusalem that day (Acts 2:4-12; Brand 173).

In short, when we confess and believe in Christ with all our heart and receive the gift of the Spirit, we follow it up with water baptism to publicly and symbolically announce our decision to follow Christ, leave our old life behind, be buried in the waters of baptism, and live for Christ with their new life by the grace of God.  We are now forgiven for our past, present, and future sins. Condemnation no longer exists for those in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1).

This is Good News! But don’t stop there. Paul reiterates that it does not give anyone an excuse to continue in sin (Romans 6:1-11). 

A relationship with God is vital. God gives us the strength to overcome temptation and always provides a way out (I Cor. 10:13). The Holy Spirit refines our sanctification through conviction. Finding our identity in Christ – who God says we are – is essential to our self-worth. Learning God’s character comes from personal experience, intentionality, reading the Word, communicating in prayer, and listening to the Holy Spirit.

The most important question I ever asked God was what He wanted for me. It took me a long time and a lot of heartache to get to this point, but when I finally did, I immediately felt the weight lifted from my shoulders. What are you waiting for? God’s arms are open wide.  

“If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. One believes with the heart, resulting in righteousness, and one confesses with the mouth, resulting in salvation” (Rom. 10:9-11, emphasis added).

“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matt. 11:28, emphasis added). “For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light” (Matt. 11:30, emphasis added).

Fear and Awe

by Angela K. Crow-Mitchell

Have you ever considered what it means to fear God as a believer? This is easy to misunderstand. After coming to Christ, I often wondered about fearing God. Considering His grace and love, I finally knew God as a loving Father. I am in awe of God. How can I also fear him? It turns out that the Hebrew word for fear is often translated as awesome. The believers’ attitude toward God is frequently referred to as respect, reverence, or awe rather than fear (The Holman Bible Dictionary).

However, limiting our attitude toward God to awe and reverence may cause us to lose sight of His divine character, which compels obedience. This obedience is not a fear of punishment but a reverence for His love and power, which we are to revere (The Holman Bible Dictionary). My dad didn’t like it when men gave themselves the title of reverend. I tend to agree. Only God is deserving of that recognition and prestigious honor.

Paul’s letter to the Romans comforts the believer by stating that wrath has been satisfied in Christ, relieving the believer from the fear of condemnation (Rom. 8:1, English Standard Version). This assurance is a testament to God’s love for us. However, it does not release us from accountability to a Holy God whose character demands justice (2 Cor. 5:10). (He also provided the antidote through His Son).

Paul’s letter to the Ephesians speaks to this when he writes that we should “put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Eph. 4:22-23, Emphasis added).

When we receive the gift of the Holy Spirit, our convictions are stirred, and we are filled with a desire to please God out of love and reverence. The Holy Spirit becomes our constant companion, guiding us in our faith journey. When I first came to Christ, I was a broken mess. I had no boundaries or the ability to say no, which led me to dark places most of my life. But God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, helped me find my voice and strength in Christ. I finally heard that still, small voice telling me I did not have to allow abusive treatment from others and their disrespectful behavior.

That is when my life began to change for the better. It’s a process. I still made mistakes, but the Holy Spirit’s convictions guided me to God’s intended path. On the other hand, I remember fearing what God would ask of me. That fear was unwarranted, considering what others had demanded of me. God is trustworthy and wants the best for us. God is the best.

The fear I am speaking of is a natural response from the heart of those eager to obey God’s Word, with a humble and contrite spirit (Is. 66:2) and a repentant heart, in awe of a reverent God – which results in true wisdom (Prov. 9:10).

The song “I Surrender” by Hillsong Worship and Matt Crocker recently touched me during a church worship night service. Surrendering to God is an intentional daily choice. As I sat there reading each word on the screen, listening, and singing the lyrics with conviction from my heart and soul, the power of the Holy Spirit moved my spirit and helped me reaffirm my surrender to God.

I challenge you to listen to this song and read the words. Then sing them to God with conviction and let the power of the Holy Spirit have His way out of fear, love, and reverence for a Holy God. It’s life changing.

The best place to be is in the will of the Father, walking in step with the Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:25). This is my continual prayer. I don’t always get it right, but God’s grace is sufficient. His power works best in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).

“…my heart stands in awe of your words” (Ps. 119:161, emphasis added).

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight” (Prov. 9:10, emphasis added).

God’s Echo

by Angela K. Crow-Mitchell
Echo Valley Farm

I was still praying for my word for the new year that was fast approaching. Knowing I would need to be brave for what He was calling me to do in the upcoming year, I quickly adopted ‘brave’ as my word for 2020.

One of the things I was going to do that year was start a support group for women. Still learning and healing from my past abuse, I knew I had a story to share that could help others walk through their stories as well as teach the red flags of abuse. But I had never led a support group before. I prayed for God to help me as I tried to help other women.

Like most assignments, I needed to go where God led me. He would handle the rest. As many times before, when I show up, He shows out. I knew I could trust Him with the outcome, so I took the next step.  I registered my group on the church site and continued praying for guidance and help.

A couple of weeks into the new year, sitting in my quiet time, the word ‘echo’ was prominent in my mind. I searched for the word’s spiritual meaning. While surfing the internet and letting the Spirit lead me, I found a women’s ministry and a blog post entitled “To Be God’s Echo.” The article explains that the opportunity to tell people again what God had already said was an echo of the Almighty. It said that we must first listen to what He has said.[1]

It spoke directly to my heart for serving women through Faith Walk Ministries and the Sister’s Circle support group. The author said that as she ministers to women, she focuses on three words: encourage, embrace, and echo. I can relate to all three of these words, as one of my Spiritual gifts is encouraging others. I pray often that I will never hurt others with my words but lift them and give hope. Being an echo in the lives of others, to breathe God’s truth and love by being an echo to His heart, was just the inspiration I needed to hear. I knew I still needed to be brave, but my new word for that year was given to me by the purest of hearts: the Holy Spirit. I am amazed every day and still try to echo His truth throughout my ministry wherever He leads me.

If you are as astonished as I was at how God led me to this, wait to hear what happened next. A few days later, I was sitting in my quiet time again with my eyes closed in a dark room, as is my normal posture; I saw words written in cursive in my mind’s eye. I noticed the ‘D’ form, and then the whole name came into focus, ‘Dana West.’

I sat there for a minute, trying to make sense of it. Then, it occurred to me that this is a person’s name. So, just like before, I googled it. While scrolling through the actresses and other people with this name, I saw nothing that grabbed my attention, so I kept going. The next thing I knew, I was reading about a counselor named Dana West in Florida who – you guessed it – helps women deal with sexual abuse.

That is not all; she holds support groups and has been a long-time trainer to other facilitators. My mind was blown away.

I got her contact information and knew I had to call her – I wasn’t sure what to say to her – but I knew God would help me.  I prayed and talked to God about it all that morning. Will she think I am crazy when I tell her I got her name from God? Or maybe I’ll let her know she came, ‘highly’ recommended. I laughed out loud about that one.

With back-to-back meetings that morning, I didn’t get a chance to call until after lunch. Dialing the number, I said another prayer. I figured I would probably get a voicemail, so I said, ‘God, I’ll leave a message, and if she calls me back, I know it is of you.’

To my surprise, the receptionist answered. I told her who I was and that I was calling from Kentucky, and I would like to speak to Dana West or at least leave a message for her. She asked if I was doing a referral. I explained that I was preparing to start a support group and wanted to ask her some questions and connect with her.

The girl assured me she would pass the information on to Dana and see if she wanted to call me back.

She said, “Where did you say you were calling from again?” I am sure she was wondering how in the world I got their info.

A couple of hours later, I got the call. I explained my group and gave some background on myself without sounding unsure why I was calling. I refrained from telling her upfront about God giving me her name until I could understand her spiritual beliefs. Then, as she spoke, I was sure I was talking to a fellow Christ-follower, and I felt the Holy Spirit telling me it was safe.

Her next question was, “How did you get my name?”

Here we go…I was still a little nervous.

I asked, just to be sure, “Do you believe in the Holy Spirit?”

With her affirmation, I told her the story of God writing her name, and my internet search landed me on her website. She explained that if the Holy Spirit gave me her name, she knew what He wanted her to share.

She was helpful, welcoming, and understanding. She asked questions about my abuse and my childhood and shared some of her own stories. She listened as I gave a snapshot of my life and where God has led me in my ministry for women over the last few years.

She asked about my healing process and if I knew about their online resources and classes. She reassured me God would help me lead this group by allowing the Holy Spirit to be the facilitator (something I still do every time). She recommended I pray about the facilitator training and study that would help me go deeper in my healing and then, in turn, be able to dive deeper with the women I want to help.

Then she dropped this little nugget on me.

“I have been praying for God to send me the women that need to talk to me. You are the third person that has reached out to me.”

Wow! I am in awe of this incredible God. Every. Single. Day.

A sister connection through the Holy Spirit. This gives a new meaning to God’s connection; my little brain can’t fully grasp it. Still, I know for sure that God is real, that God is listening, that God hears our prayers and knows our hearts.  He not only connected me to someone who has been in my shoes, understands unhealthy, abusive relationships, and has the heart to help other women as I do, but He also equipped me with the tools to dive deeper into my healing so I could help others more profoundly and completely.

She talked about the women she serves as ‘sisters’ – she said that is what I call them. I informed her of the name of my support group, the ‘Sister’s Circle.’

By divine revelation, God can connect two people who have never met and live a thousand miles apart in such a masterful, incredible way to help each other restore the lives of others. Then she prayed over me and my ministry before we hung up. In her prayer, she said, “For such a time as this.” Esther 4:14 was a prominent verse to me over that last year. I even have a bracelet with the engraving, “Perhaps you were born for such a time as this,” given to me by my friend as a birthday present.

She offered to help me and asked that we stay in touch; what a Godsend and blessing. Sharing her story of redemption and how God has given her a chance to experience a healthy relationship with a godly man who would never abuse her is a beautiful testimony to Christ and what He can do for all of us. He restores, redeems, and heals, and delights in giving us the desires of our hearts. She offered me new hope on my journey. I was content and happy being single with God as my ‘One True Love’ and ‘Constant Companion.’ Still, in God’s timing, I knew it would happen if He had someone for me. That is when I began to list characteristics I wanted in a husband – someone who loves Jesus more than me and prays with and for me, among other specific godly traits – remembering a warning from an older woman I was in a life group with who once told me “You need to be specific when you pray – I had a friend who prayed for a husband, and that’s all she got.”

The Bible also gives us the fruits of the spirit as a guide for desirable qualities we should watch for that the Holy Spirit produces in a person’s life – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, self-control, and faithfulness (Gal. 5:22-23).

In case you missed it, my recent post,  Hope is Alive, continues the story.

[1] K. Kelly (s.d.) Living Life in Ministry, To Be God’s Echo by Women’s Ministry – Accessed January 15, 2020, through https://womensministry.lifeway.com/2017/08/28/to-be-gods-echo/

God Yearns for You

by Angela K. Crow-Mitchell

Looking back at the beginning of my journey of becoming a Christ-follower, I realize that it was a process – I didn’t immediately change my old habits, although I wanted to be closer to God. This process of being freed from sin is called sanctification. After repenting and surrendering my life to Christ and asking God what He wanted, the Holy Spirit began to work on my heart. He began to mold and reshape me and my character. Not only did I not want to continue with the old habits, but the conviction was also so firm that I could not hide it.

As I wanted to be closer to God, my old ways and sins had to make way for Christ’s new creation to form. The two cannot co-exist if we make room for Christ and have the relationship He intends for us.  Peace comes when we stop allowing our loyalty to be divided between God and the world.

We can’t feel the closeness and relationship we desire if we are still straddling the fence. But when we go all in – wholly surrendered to Christ – that’s when it all comes together, and we feel His presence, even though He has not gone anywhere – He is always with us – we are the ones who pull away. Feeling distant from God has a direct correlation to our sins. Once we repent and let God’s grace wash over us, the relationship begins to form as we make more room for Him in our hearts.

James points out that it is impossible to please God and the world simultaneously (James 4:4). When we come close to God, He will come close to us (James 4:8). Straddling the fence only makes us miserable. These verses from James echo Jesus’ message – “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other” (Matt. 6:24, Emphasis added). We must step closer to Him, knowing His arms are open to welcome us. He patiently waits for us to look in His direction and want His comfort. He is a jealous God who yearns for the spirit He placed within us to worship Him alone (James 4:5; John 4:23-24).

God never tempts us – temptation comes from our desires. God always offers a way out of sin and temptation (James 1:13-14). “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7, Emphasis added). We must learn to use our spiritual weapons against the devil by speaking Jesus’ name and bearing His armor (Eph. 6:10-18).

We can ask God to reveal anything we are holding on to and ask Him to help us remove it to make more room in our hearts His Spirit. David shows us how to do this, “Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life” (Ps. 139:24, New Living Translation, Emphasis added). Furthermore, he also gives us a prayer, “Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me” (Ps. 51:10, Emphasis added). A prayer I often recite.

Our goal should be to draw closer to God daily to allow more room in our hearts for His presence. I encourage you to take a step closer to God today and ask Him to help you yearn for His presence as He yearns for you. God wants to be your first love.